The memories.

I can't sleep. Tomorrow is going to be such a hard day for all of us. In all seriousness it feels like a dream, like it didn't happen, like I'll wake up tomorrow and I'll see my cousin again.

I cannot believe this happened.

All I know is that I have to let God take control. I have to lean on him.

I was thinking earlier about how working at a tv station puts a wall up in front of life in general. What I mean is, we run stories everyday about people dying, people getting in car accidents, people being shot, and we never think twice about it. It's news, it's what makes a show better. We never think about the families and what they must be going through. But when something like this happens to your family, it stops you dead in your tracks. Your whole life falls apart.

At this point I'm just rambling, because I can't cry anymore. And writing has always helped me to express what I cannot say out loud.

I loved my cousin. He was an amazing person, even though he liked to give me a hard time.
I'll always remember him telling me that at the bottom of the West Virginia lake there were giant man eating catfish, up until that day I loved going to the lake with my Aunt and Uncle. Now whenever I get in the water, I think of those man eating catfish, and stay as far away from the shore as possible, and I never let my legs sink too far down. He would laugh so hard knowing this.

I also remember him telling me about his many adventures of swimming underneath a duck and pulling it under water. I've always wanted to try this, but I'm pretty sure he was lying, there's no way a duck wouldn't know you were underneath it.

When I was younger, he worked as a tour guide at one of the rafting companies in WVa. Of course I wanted to go. I remember everything but riding down stream. My mom told me tonight, that I got mad at him because he took me down the smaller rapids. And of course he started picking on me saying, "When you're ready for the bigger rapids, I'll take you on them!"

I love and miss you jimmy!


"I know that I still love you God, despite the agony. He loves us, oh how he loves us!"

Continue to pray. I know that God's got this. He will always love and protect. Always give peace and hope. And as always I leave you with a scripture that always gives me peace of mind....

"Find rest oh my soul, in God alone. My hope comes from him" Psalms 62:5

Callie Marie